A response to the documentary "The Aristocrats"
So this talent agent is walking through the agora when this shabby Thracian comes up to him and says, “Excuse me, aren’t you Gus Pelopidas, the talent agent? I do a really unbelievable act, and I was wondering if I could audition for you?” So Pelopidas, he’s a little skeptical, the guy looks like he was shat by a chimaera, but he says, “OK, meet me tomorrow at my office two stades from the Acropolis, at 9 sharp.” So the next morning the guy shows up, 9 sharp, and he’s got his wife with him, and his daughter, and his grandmother, and a really mangy goat. “OK,” says Pelopidas, “show me what you do.” So immediately, the guy, his wife, his daughter and his grandmother strip naked, and the wife and daughter start lubricating the guy’s dick, which is immense, with olive oil, whereupon the guy rams his greasy dick into his grandmother’s ass, at the same time that his grandmother begins jerking off the goat, and as he’s humping away and humping away his wife and daughter begin pissing into a huge amphora, and when the amphora is full of piss they lift it up and pour it all over the guy and his grandmother and the goat, and they all suddenly begin shouting that there are two dichotomies, matter and form, and that the amphora for instance is the form or shape of one possibility of terra cotta, and that development is the process by which terra cotta or any other matter becomes form, and every form is the matter for the next highest form, and at that point the goat begins to come, and as it comes it begins to bleat and as bleats it begins to shit, and the guy and his grandmother and his wife and his daughter start rolling in the goatshit and smearing it all over themselves, and the guy starts buggering the goat as the goat begins humping his wife and the grandmother goes down on the daughter knee-deep in goatshit and they all start shouting again, yelling that man’s happiness lies entirely in virtue, the mean between two extremes, and that even if happiness is not sent by the Gods, but is the result of virtue and learning of some kind of discipline, it is apparently one of the most divine things in the world, for it would appear that that which is the prize and end of virtue is the supreme good, and in its nature divine and blessed, and at that moment they simultaneously come and shit and projectile vomit and collapse in a heap on the talent agent’s floor. “Holy skata!” says Pelopidas. “That was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen! So, uhhh, what do you call this act?” And the guy, who’s dripping with come and piss and shit and vomitus, slowly rises from the floor, makes a delicate gesture with his hand, and says, “The Aristotles!”